How to prepare for your first meeting with a family lawyer

A first meeting with a family lawyer is typically 45 to 60 minutes and costs between $300 and $500 in Canada, $250 to $450 in most US cities. Many firms offer a reduced rate or free initial consultation. That time is more valuable than most people realize, and more easily wasted than most people expect.

The people who get the most out of that hour come prepared with facts, not feelings. That's not a criticism of how people are experiencing their separation, this is an incredibly emotional time. But the lawyer's job in that meeting is to gather information and give you legal information. They can't do that if you spend the hour describing your spouse's failings in detail.

What to bring

Come with documents, not memories. Lawyers are better equipped to help you when they can see the actual numbers rather than estimates. Bring whatever you have of:

• Recent tax returns. Last one to two years for both parties if you have them. This is the most reliable income documentation.
• Bank statements. Three to six months of statements for all accounts, joint and individual.
• Property documentation. Mortgage statement showing the current balance, recent property tax assessment, and any recent appraisal if you have one.
• Pension and investment statements. Most recent statements for RRSPs, pensions, TFSAs, 401(k)s, or investment accounts. Note the valuation date.
• Marriage certificate. The lawyer will need the date of marriage for support calculations.
• Any existing agreements. If you have a cohabitation agreement, marriage contract, or prenup, bring it. If you've already received any court documents, bring those too.
• A list of assets and debts. Even a rough one. Marital home, cars, RRSP balances, lines of credit, credit card balances, whatever you know.

Don't worry if you don't have everything. The lawyer will tell you what else they need. But arriving with documents gets the meeting onto substantive ground faster.

What to ask

A first meeting is a mutual assessment, you're deciding whether this lawyer is right for you as much as they're assessing your case. Use the time to get useful information:

• "What are my rights in this jurisdiction regarding property division, support, and parenting time?"
• "What's the likely range of outcomes for a situation like mine?"
• "What's a realistic timeline from here to a signed agreement?"
• "What will this cost at your hourly rate, realistically, if we proceed?"
• "What's your approach, do you prefer to negotiate toward settlement, or do you typically litigate?"
• "What should I do and not do right now, before we've formally engaged?"

The answers to these questions tell you whether the lawyer's approach fits your situation. A good family lawyer will be honest about range of outcomes rather than promising you everything you want. They'll explain the realistic cost rather than quoting a low number to get your retainer. They'll tell you directly what their approach is.

What not to do

Don't spend the majority of the meeting explaining how unreasonable your spouse is. Every family lawyer has heard versions of every story. What they need from you is facts: dates, numbers, documents, and a clear statement of what you want from the process. The emotional context helps somewhat, but not at the expense of the factual picture.

Don't make decisions in the meeting. A first consultation is for gathering information. You're not committing to anything by attending. Take notes, ask for anything in writing that the lawyer can provide, and take a few days to decide whether you want to engage them.

Don't take legal advice from your friends. Their divorces happened in different circumstances, in potentially different provinces or states, with different assets and different dynamics. What happened to them is not a reliable guide to what will happen to you. The lawyer's office is where you get legal information about your situation.

What the lawyer is doing in that meeting

The lawyer is listening for the issues that will shape your case: the length of the marriage, the income gap, who holds what assets, whether children are involved, whether either party has hidden anything, and whether there are any safety or power imbalance concerns. They're also assessing whether your expectations are realistic, and whether there are any complications they need to flag early.

They are not making you promises. They are giving you their professional assessment, based on what you've told them, of what the law says and what outcomes are realistic. That information is valuable, get it efficiently.

FairWell's lawyer directory includes family lawyers in major cities across Canada and the US who are experienced in separation and divorce. Many offer free initial consultations for FairWell users.