Separating in a military family: postings, deployment, pensions and support in Canada and the US

The short answer

Military families separate under ordinary family law, but service adds its own rules. In Canada, Canadian Armed Forces pensions are divided under the federal Pension Benefits Division Act (up to 50% of the value earned during the relationship), and the Family Information Line (1-800-866-4546) and your Military Family Resource Centre offer free, confidential help. In the US, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act can pause a case while a member's duties prevent them from taking part, the Uniformed Services Former Spouses' Protection Act governs dividing retired pay, and the "10/10 rule" decides whether DFAS pays a former spouse directly. Plan parenting around postings and deployments in writing, and sort out the Family Care Plan and survivor benefits before anything is final.

Separating in a military family can feel like trying to make plans on shifting sand. A posting message, a course, a deployment or an exercise can change the timetable for everything: who has the children, where anyone will live, when you can meet a lawyer. If you are the civilian spouse, you may also be far from family, in a community built around the member's unit.

The rules below are the ones that most often catch military families off guard. They differ a lot between Canada and the US, so the guide takes each country in turn.

Canada: separating in a CAF family

Canadian Armed Forces members and their spouses separate under the federal Divorce Act and provincial family law like anyone else. A divorce can be filed in a province where either spouse has been habitually resident for at least a year, and parenting, support and property are decided under the usual rules. What changes is the practical context.

Postings and parenting

A posting is effectively a relocation. Under the Divorce Act, a parent who plans to relocate with a child must give written notice to anyone else with parenting time or decision-making responsibility at least 60 days before the move, and the other parent can object. For CAF families, a posting can arrive with less notice than that. That makes it important to deal with postings in your parenting plan before they happen:

what happens if the member is posted to another province, and whether the children move or stay;
how long-distance parenting time works, including who pays travel and how school holidays are split;
how video calls and contact will work during deployments or long courses;
how to review the plan quickly when a posting message arrives.

Our guide to relocation after separation explains how courts weigh a proposed move.

Family Care Plans

Under the Defence Administrative Order on families (DAOD 5044-1), Regular Force and Primary Reserve members who support family members must prepare a Family Care Plan for absences on duty. After separation, a member's plan needs updating: who cares for the children during the member's parenting time if they are suddenly deployed, and how that fits with the other parent's rights. A Family Care Plan is an administrative document. It does not override a court order or separation agreement, and naming a grandparent or new partner as caregiver does not give them parenting rights over the other parent. Talk to each other about the plan, and put the principle in your agreement: the other parent normally gets first option to care for the children.

Dividing a CAF pension

Canadian Forces pensions are federal pensions, so they are divided under the Pension Benefits Division Act rather than provincial pension law. Key points from the federal pension centre:

A spouse or former common-law partner can receive up to 50% of the value of the pension benefits earned during the period of cohabitation.
The amount is transferred as a lump sum to a locked-in retirement vehicle chosen by the recipient, such as a locked-in RRSP, a life income fund or an annuity, with tax deferred until money is withdrawn.
Spouses or former spouses generally need to have been separated for at least a year, unless there is a court order or written agreement. Former common-law partners must have lived together for at least a year and been separated for at least a year.
The member is notified and has 90 days to object.

Because the division is based on a federal calculation, the value your lawyer uses for property purposes may differ from the transfer amount. Ask for the federal estimate early. Our guide to pensions at separation covers CPP credit splitting as well.

Support and benefits for CAF families

Separation can affect housing, relocation benefits, insurance coverage and who is listed as a dependant. Before you sign anything, check with the member's orderly room or the relevant benefits office how the separation changes each of these, and make sure the agreement deals with life insurance as security for support.

You do not have to work this out alone. The Family Information Line (1-800-866-4546 in North America) offers free, confidential, bilingual support for CAF members and families, including on separation. Your local Military Family Resource Centre can connect you with counselling, child care and practical help, and both the member and the civilian spouse can use these services.

US: separating in a military family

Divorce, custody, child support and alimony are decided by state courts under state law, but several federal laws apply on top. The member's installation legal assistance office can give free legal advice on divorce, custody and the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, but, as Military OneSource explains, those attorneys cannot represent you in court. Military OneSource (800-342-9647) also offers free non-medical counseling and financial help to service members and families.

The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA)

The SCRA protects service members who cannot take part in a court case because of military duties. If a member has notice of a case and applies with a statement explaining how duties affect their ability to appear, plus a letter from their commanding officer confirming that duty prevents it and leave is not authorized, the court must stay (pause) the case for at least 90 days. Further stays can be requested.

The SCRA also protects deployed parents. Federal law says that if a court makes a temporary custody order because of a parent's deployment, it must end when the deployment ends, and a court may not use a parent's absence due to deployment as the sole factor in deciding the child's best interests. Most states have their own laws on military parents too, and some have adopted the Uniform Deployed Parents Custody and Visitation Act, which sets up expedited hearings and temporary arrangements around deployment.

For the civilian spouse, this means a case can take longer than expected. Plan for it: ask for temporary support early if you need it, and keep communication about the children practical and in writing.

Dividing military retired pay (USFSPA)

The Uniformed Services Former Spouses' Protection Act lets state courts treat military retired pay as property and divide it under state law. A few rules that matter:

Jurisdiction. A court can divide retired pay only if the member lives in that state for reasons other than military assignment, is domiciled there, or consents to the court's jurisdiction.
The 10/10 rule. DFAS will pay a former spouse's share of retired pay directly only if the marriage lasted at least 10 years overlapping with at least 10 years of creditable service. The 10/10 rule does not decide whether retired pay can be divided at all. If it is not met, a court can still award a share, but the member pays it directly, which is harder to enforce.
Limits. DFAS will not pay a former spouse more than 50% of disposable retired pay as a property division.
The frozen benefit rule. For divorces after 23 December 2016, the share is generally calculated on the member's pay grade and years of service at the date of the divorce, not at retirement. The order needs specific wording for DFAS to accept it.

Disability compensation is treated differently from retired pay and generally cannot be divided as property. Have a lawyer who knows military pensions draft or review the order. Small wording mistakes can make an order unenforceable by DFAS.

Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP)

Retired pay stops when the retiree dies. The Survivor Benefit Plan can continue a portion to a former spouse, but only if former spouse coverage is properly elected. If your divorce order requires SBP coverage, the member should make the election, and the former spouse should also send DFAS a "deemed election" request within one year of the divorce decree. Miss that deadline and the protection can be lost. Put a reminder in your calendar on the day the divorce is final.

Family Care Plans and deployment

Under Defense Department policy, single parents, dual-military couples and members with custody of a child must keep a Family Care Plan naming caregivers if they deploy. Military guidance is clear that a Family Care Plan does not override the other parent's custody rights, and members are expected to seek the noncustodial parent's consent to the plan. If there is likely to be a conflict, resolve custody in court before deployment. Build deployment into your parenting plan: who has the children, how the member keeps in contact, whether the member can delegate some parenting time to a relative where state law allows it, and how the schedule resumes on return.

Health care and other benefits

A former spouse's access to TRICARE, commissary and exchange privileges depends on how long the marriage and service overlapped, under rules often called 20/20/20 and 20/20/15. Many former spouses will not qualify, so plan for replacement health coverage early. Our guide to health insurance after separation covers the options.

Parenting around service, in either country

The best military parenting plans are honest about the job. They assume there will be absences and say what happens, rather than leaving it to a crisis.

Use a deployment clause. State who has the children, how contact works, and how the regular schedule restarts, with a transition period for younger children.
Make up time fairly. Agree whether missed parenting time is made up on return and how, without turning it into a points system.
Keep the children connected. Recorded stories, scheduled calls and letters help children feel the absent parent is still part of their week.
Use a shared calendar or co-parenting app so schedules survive time zones and patchy communication.

Our parenting plan guide shows how to put these into a plan that holds up.

What to do this week

Write down the service timeline: expected postings, deployments, courses and release or retirement dates.
Request pension information. In Canada, ask the federal pension centre for a division estimate. In the US, get the member's service and pay records so a lawyer can draft a DFAS-compliant order.
Review the Family Care Plan together and agree that it fits your parenting arrangements.
Call for support. In Canada, the Family Information Line or your MFRC. In the US, the installation legal assistance office and Military OneSource.
Check insurance and survivor benefits, and note the one-year SBP deadline if it applies to you.
Find a lawyer who knows military family law in your province or state. FairWell's directory can help.

Common questions

Can a military member stop a divorce while deployed?

In the US, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act lets a member ask the court to pause the case for at least 90 days if military duties prevent them from taking part. It delays the case but does not stop the divorce permanently. Canada has no equivalent federal rule, but courts can adjust timelines for a member's duties.

What is the 10/10 rule in a military divorce?

It is the US rule that DFAS will pay a former spouse's share of retired pay directly only if the marriage overlapped with at least 10 years of military service. It does not decide whether retired pay can be divided. If the rule is not met, the member pays the former spouse directly.

How is a Canadian Armed Forces pension divided?

Under the federal Pension Benefits Division Act. A spouse or former common-law partner can receive up to 50% of the value of the pension earned during the relationship, transferred as a lump sum into a locked-in retirement vehicle.

Does a Family Care Plan give someone custody?

No. A Family Care Plan is a military planning document. It does not override a court order or the other parent's rights, so parenting arrangements around deployment should be set out in your parenting plan or a court order.

Official sources

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This guide is legal information, not legal advice, and it is written for a general audience across Canada and the United States. Family law is provincial and state-based and changes over time. Before you rely on anything here for your own situation, confirm it with a qualified family lawyer in your province or state. FairWell can connect you with one through the professional directory.