Every decision you need to make for your children, written in plain language, covering the full range of topics that family courts and mediators across North America expect parents to address.
A parenting plan is the written agreement that describes how you and your co-parent will raise your children after separation. It covers the schedule, the decisions, the rules, and what happens when things don't go according to plan.
The best parenting plans are built around one question: what do your children need to feel safe, loved, and settled? That question is easier to answer when the process isn't heated, which is exactly why putting the plan on paper, before conflicts arise, is so important.
This guide walks through each topic your plan needs to address. Some will be straightforward. Others will require real conversation. Work through them at whatever pace you need. You don't have to agree on everything at once.
Everything in this guide is for informational and planning purposes. Before finalising any parenting plan, have it reviewed by a family lawyer in your province or state. Laws vary significantly by jurisdiction, and a local professional can make sure your plan is enforceable where you live.
How you and your co-parent communicate after separation will shape everything else. The plan should spell this out clearly, because what feels obvious now may not be obvious when things are tense.
Decide how you'll handle routine messages: pickups, schedule changes, school notes, health updates. Many co-parents use a dedicated app like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents, which keeps communication in one thread and timestamped. Others use email. Text works for some families; it breaks down quickly for others.
The key is consistency and response expectations. Agreeing that non-urgent messages will be responded to within 24 hours removes a major source of friction.
For decisions that require both parents' agreement, schooling, medical procedures, extracurricular commitments, agree on a process. Give each other a defined window (48 or 72 hours is common) to review and respond before escalating.
Put a dispute resolution process in the plan itself. The standard path: raise it directly, then try mediation, then engage a parenting coordinator if needed, and only go back to court as a last resort. Including this sequence prevents disagreements from escalating to court proceedings immediately, which is expensive and harmful for children.
Many families find that a brief bi-weekly or monthly "co-parenting check-in", even just 15 minutes, prevents small issues from becoming large ones. You don't have to be friends. You just have to be able to coordinate.
If there has been any history of family violence, coercive control, harassment, or substance misuse, the parenting plan must address safety, for the children and for the parent who experienced the harm.
Safety provisions might include supervised parenting time, specific exchange arrangements (using a neutral third party or a public location), restrictions on who may be present during parenting time, and requirements around communication.
These conversations are hard. If safety is a concern, don't try to handle this alone. A family lawyer, mediator experienced in high-conflict situations, or a parenting coordinator can structure an arrangement that protects everyone.
If you are currently experiencing abuse or feel unsafe, please reach out for support before attempting to negotiate any agreement. In Canada: ShelterSafe.ca. In the US: thehotline.org (1-800-799-7233).
The schedule is the core of any parenting plan. It determines where the children sleep most nights, which parent handles school routines, and how parenting time is split. Get this right and most other disputes become manageable.
Week on / week off. Children spend one full week with each parent, alternating. Simple and predictable. Works best when parents live close to the same school and when children are old enough to handle 7-day stretches away from one parent. Gives each parent a full week of "single parent" life, which many find more sustainable than frequent transitions.
2-2-3 rotation. Children spend 2 days with Parent A, 2 days with Parent B, then 3 days with Parent A, then it flips the next week. Neither parent goes more than 3 days without seeing the children. Works well for younger children and when parents live nearby. Can become confusing over time if you lose track of whose week it is.
3-4-4-3 rotation. A variant of the above, with fewer transitions. Parent A has 3 days, Parent B has 4, then Parent B has 3 and Parent A has 4. Gives children slightly longer stretches with each parent while still maintaining regular contact with both.
Primary residence with scheduled visits. Children live primarily with one parent; the other parent has specific, regular parenting time, often every other weekend and one weeknight. More appropriate when parents live far apart, when children are very young, or when high conflict makes frequent transitions impractical.
Be specific. Name the days, the times, and the location of exchange. "Every other weekend" is not a parenting schedule, it's an invitation to argue. A well-written schedule looks like: "Children are with Parent B from Friday at 6pm to Sunday at 6pm on alternating weekends beginning [date]. Exchange takes place at [location]."
Decide where exchanges happen, at school, at the door, at a neutral public location. Many families exchange at school (one parent drops off Monday morning, the other picks up Friday afternoon) because it removes the direct handoff tension. If transitions are high-conflict, using a neutral location or a third party can make them much smoother for the children.
If you have multiple children, the default is for siblings to be together, travelling between homes as a group, on the same schedule. Separating siblings creates logistical complexity and emotional difficulty for the children. Courts strongly prefer keeping siblings together unless there's a specific reason not to.
For extended family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, the plan can note that each parent is responsible for facilitating the children's relationships with their extended family during their own parenting time. If maintaining a specific grandparent relationship is important to you, include it explicitly rather than leaving it to goodwill.
This section is where most parenting plan disputes happen, and where the most detailed planning pays off. Be exhaustive. A vague holiday clause is a conflict engine.
List each statutory holiday in your province or state and assign it clearly. Many plans alternate holidays year by year: Parent A has Thanksgiving in odd years, Parent B in even years. Others split by household: one parent always has Christmas Eve, the other always has Christmas Day. There's no single right answer, the goal is clarity.
Cover: each parent's birthday, each child's birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and any cultural or religious celebrations specific to your family. Children's birthdays are often handled by allowing each parent to celebrate separately, or by agreeing to share the day.
Winter break, spring break, and summer should all be addressed separately. A common approach for summer: each parent takes one or two designated vacation weeks of their choice, giving notice (typically 30-60 days) to the other parent. The remaining summer time follows the regular schedule.
Specify clearly that holiday schedules override the regular schedule, and what "override" actually means for transitions that fall mid-week. The ambiguity of "the holiday schedule takes precedence" without specifics creates real arguments.
Both domestic and international travel with the children requires clear rules. Without them, a vacation can become a flashpoint, and in serious cases, international travel without the other parent's consent can have legal consequences.
Most plans allow each parent to travel domestically with the children during their parenting time, with notice to the other parent (typically 14 days). Agree on what information needs to be shared: destination, accommodation, contact number, and return date.
International travel with a child generally requires written consent from the other parent, and in many cases, a court order or consent letter is required by border authorities. The plan should specify how international travel is approved, what notice is required, and what documentation will be prepared. In Canada, a Consent to Travel letter is standard; many border agents request it even for domestic single-parent travel.
Address passport applications and renewals in the plan. In Canada, a child's passport application requires both parents' signatures (or a court order overriding this). Who holds the passports is a practical question worth specifying.
Education decisions, school choice, tutoring, special programs, university, are typically joint decisions. The plan should confirm this and specify how disagreements about schooling are resolved.
If parents are enrolled in different school districts or are contemplating a school change, address this directly. Changing a child's school is a major decision and should require mutual agreement, or, if one parent objects, a defined process for resolution.
Both parents generally have the right to receive school communications, attend parent-teacher meetings, and participate in school events. Include this explicitly. If conflict between parents at school events is a concern, address the protocol (attending the same events but separately, for example).
Both parents should receive copies of all school communications. Specify that both parents' contact information is on file with the school.
Activities, sports, music, arts, clubs, are important to children's wellbeing, but they create real co-parenting decisions: who signs up, who pays, who drives, and what happens during the other parent's time.
The key principles: existing activities continue unless both parents agree otherwise; new ongoing commitments that affect the other parent's time require mutual agreement; one parent shouldn't enroll children in activities that dominate the other parent's parenting time without consent.
Address cost-sharing for extracurriculars too. These are often Section 7 expenses (in Canada) and are typically split proportionally by income.
If faith or cultural practice is important to your family, the plan should address it. For families where both parents share a religion, this may be simple: continue as before. For families with different faiths or where one parent has converted or become less observant, it requires honest discussion.
The general principle in most jurisdictions: children are raised in the religion or cultural tradition they were raised in during the relationship, and neither parent unilaterally changes that practice. Exposing children to a different faith during the other parent's time is not typically prohibited, but converting or indoctrinating without the other parent's agreement can become a legal issue.
For families with Indigenous heritage, Canadian law recognizes a specific obligation to support children's connection to their community, language, and culture. This should be addressed explicitly in the plan.
Healthcare decisions are joint decisions in most jurisdictions. Both parents must agree on elective medical treatment. Emergency care is an exception, each parent can authorise emergency treatment during their parenting time without the other's consent.
Establish who maintains each type of healthcare provider, family doctor, dentist, orthodontist, therapist, and agree that both parents are kept informed and are able to attend appointments. The plan should specify that each parent receives copies of all health records and can communicate directly with providers.
Specify whose employer health plan covers the children and how out-of-pocket costs are shared. In Canada, dental and paramedical expenses not covered by insurance are often Section 7 expenses split by income.
Address children's counseling specifically. Both parents should agree on the therapist and both should be kept informed of progress (within appropriate therapeutic boundaries). If a child needs counseling related to the separation, getting both parents' agreement on the therapist before starting avoids complications later.
If a child has a disability, chronic illness, learning difference, or other special need, the parenting plan requires additional specificity. The standard schedule may need modification. Transition arrangements may need to be different. Therapeutic or educational support needs to be consistent across both households.
Spell out: what accommodations each household maintains, how therapists and support workers are managed, how medical equipment travels between homes, and how school accommodations are coordinated. Consistency across households is especially important for children with autism, ADHD, or anxiety-related conditions.
Financial responsibility for special needs support, assistive devices, therapy, respite care, should be addressed clearly, as these costs can be significant.
Relocation is one of the most contentious issues in family law. A move of even a short distance can fundamentally disrupt a parenting schedule. A move across the country or internationally can effectively end one parent's relationship with the children.
Most plans (and most family law legislation) require significant advance notice before a parent relocates, typically 60 to 90 days in Canada, often more in the US. Include a specific notice requirement in the plan.
The plan should specify what happens when one parent intends to move: notice to the other parent, a defined window for objection, and if there's disagreement, a process for resolution (mediation, then court if necessary). Courts take relocation seriously. The parent proposing to move generally bears the burden of demonstrating that it's in the children's best interest.
If the move is approved, the schedule will need to change. Address this in advance: longer blocks of parenting time during school breaks to compensate for lost regular time, travel cost responsibility, and how transitions will happen at a distance.
At some point, one or both parents will likely be in a new relationship. The plan can address this proactively, before it becomes a source of tension.
Common provisions: a waiting period before introducing a new partner to the children (often 6 months to a year), an agreement that neither parent will speak negatively about the other's new partner to the children, and how significant new partners are introduced and communicated about.
There is no right answer on timing. What matters is that the children are given space to adjust, that introductions are done gradually, and that neither parent uses their new relationship to create pressure on the other.
Military deployment, work travel, extended illness, or incarceration can disrupt a parenting schedule significantly. The plan should anticipate this.
Specify: how the absent parent maintains contact with the children (video calls, letters, scheduled calls), whether parenting time is suspended or transferred during an extended absence, and what happens to the parenting time balance when the parent returns. Agree on a make-up schedule if parenting time is missed for reasons outside either parent's control.
If substance use or mental health is a current concern, or a concern that existed during the relationship, the plan needs to address it directly. This is not a judgment. It's a protection for the children and, honestly, for both parents.
Provisions might include: requirements to be sober during parenting time, breathalyser or drug testing provisions in serious cases, conditions under which parenting time can be suspended, and how the children are to be cared for if a parent is unable to care for them during their scheduled time.
If mental health is the concern, provisions might include maintaining treatment as a condition of unsupervised parenting time, notification requirements if a parent is hospitalised, and what happens to parenting time during an acute episode.
These are difficult conversations. A family mediator or parenting coordinator can help structure them in a way that is fair and workable for everyone.
Parenting plans are living documents. Children grow. Circumstances change. The plan you write when your child is three won't look the same when they're twelve.
Many families adjust the schedule informally as life changes. That's fine, but be careful about informal changes that become permanent without being documented. If both parents agree to a change that will last more than a few weeks, put it in writing. A simple exchange of emails confirming the change is better than nothing.
Include a provision for formal review, typically every two to three years, or when a significant life change happens (a child starts school, a parent's work schedule changes, the family moves). A review doesn't mean the plan will change, but it gives both parents a legitimate moment to raise concerns.
If you can't agree on a change and need to go back to court, the legal test is "material change in circumstances." Courts won't modify a parenting order just because one parent wants something different, there needs to be a real, significant change in the children's or a parent's circumstances. Mediation is almost always worth trying before court.
A complete parenting plan takes time to build. You don't have to do it all at once. Start with the schedule, that's the core of everything. Then work through the remaining topics in whatever order makes sense for your family.
When you have a working draft, both parents should have it reviewed by independent legal counsel before signing. This isn't about fighting over it. It's about making sure both of you understand what you're agreeing to and that the plan is enforceable where you live.
If you're struggling to agree on key provisions, a mediator or parenting coordinator can help. They're not there to take sides, they're there to help you reach an agreement that works for your children.
Our guided parenting plan builder walks you through every section, with plain-language explanations and province/state-specific guidance. Get a complete, review-ready draft for $299.
Start building →This guide covers the core decisions family courts and mediators across North America expect parents to address, written in plain language for families navigating separation. It is educational information, not legal advice. Laws and processes vary by province and state, visit our Regional Guides section to find resources specific to where you live, and consult a family lawyer in your jurisdiction for advice on your situation.