What Is a Parenting Plan? How to Write One

Before you begin

A parenting plan is the written agreement that describes how you and your co-parent will raise your children after separation. It covers the schedule, the decisions, the rules, and what happens when things don't go according to plan.

The best parenting plans are built around one question: what do your children need to feel safe, loved, and settled? That question is easier to answer when the process isn't heated, which is exactly why putting the plan on paper, before conflicts arise, is so important.

If you are writing this while still raw from the separation, go gently. Every clause you settle now is one less argument later, and one more thing your children can count on.

The two building blocks

Every plan answers two questions: when are the children with each parent, and who makes the big decisions. In Canada, the federal Divorce Act calls these "parenting time" and "decision-making responsibility", and most provinces use the same or similar terms for unmarried parents. Under the Divorce Act, a court must include a parenting plan the parents submit in its order unless it decides the plan is not in the child's best interests, in which case it can modify it. In the US, states usually speak of "physical custody" or "parenting time" and "legal custody", and many require a parenting plan to be filed in any case involving children. Whatever the label, the parent caring for the children usually makes day-to-day decisions during their own time.

This guide walks through each topic your plan needs to address. Some will be straightforward. Others will require real conversation. Work through them at whatever pace you need. You don't have to agree on everything at once.

1 Communication and resolving disagreements

How you and your co-parent communicate after separation will shape everything else. The plan should spell this out clearly, because what feels obvious now may not be obvious when things are tense.

Day-to-day communication

Decide how you'll handle routine messages: pickups, schedule changes, school notes, health updates. Many co-parents use a dedicated co-parenting app (OurFamilyWizard and TalkingParents are two examples), which keeps communication in one timestamped thread. Our guide to co-parenting apps explains what to look for. Others use email. Text works for some families; it breaks down quickly for others.

The key is consistency and response expectations. Agreeing that non-urgent messages will be responded to within 24 hours removes a major source of friction.

Major decisions

For decisions that require both parents' agreement, schooling, medical procedures, extracurricular commitments, agree on a process. Give each other a defined window (48 or 72 hours is common) to review and respond before escalating.

Conflict resolution

Put a dispute resolution process in the plan itself. The standard path: raise it directly, then try mediation, then engage a parenting coordinator if needed, and only go back to court as a last resort. Including this sequence prevents disagreements from escalating to court proceedings immediately, which is expensive and harmful for children.

2 Safety

If there has been any history of family violence, coercive control, harassment, or substance misuse, the parenting plan must address safety, for the children and for the parent who experienced the harm.

Safety provisions might include supervised parenting time, specific exchange arrangements (using a neutral third party or a public location), restrictions on who may be present during parenting time, and requirements around communication.

These conversations are hard. If safety is a concern, don't try to handle this alone. A family lawyer, mediator experienced in high-conflict situations, or a parenting coordinator can structure an arrangement that protects everyone.

3 Parenting time and schedule

The schedule is the core of any parenting plan. It determines where the children sleep most nights, which parent handles school routines, and how parenting time is split. Get this right and most other disputes become manageable.

Common schedules

Week on / week off. Children spend one full week with each parent, alternating. Simple and predictable. Works best when parents live close to the same school and when children are old enough to handle 7-day stretches away from one parent. Gives each parent a full week of "single parent" life, which many find more sustainable than frequent transitions.

2-2-3 rotation. Children spend 2 days with Parent A, 2 days with Parent B, then 3 days with Parent A, then it flips the next week. Neither parent goes more than 3 days without seeing the children. Works well for younger children and when parents live nearby. Can become confusing over time if you lose track of whose week it is.

3-4-4-3 rotation. A variant of the above, with fewer transitions. Parent A has 3 days, Parent B has 4, then Parent B has 3 and Parent A has 4. Gives children slightly longer stretches with each parent while still maintaining regular contact with both.

Primary residence with regular time at the other home. Children live primarily with one parent; the other parent has specific, regular parenting time, often every other weekend and one weeknight. More appropriate when parents live far apart, when children are very young, or when high conflict makes frequent transitions impractical.

What to write in the plan

Be specific. Name the days, the times, and the location of exchange. "Every other weekend" is not a parenting schedule, it's an invitation to argue. A well-written schedule looks like: "Children are with Parent B from Friday at 6pm to Sunday at 6pm on alternating weekends beginning [date]. Exchange takes place at [location]."

The transition point

Decide where exchanges happen, at school, at the door, at a neutral public location. Many families exchange at school (one parent drops off Monday morning, the other picks up Friday afternoon) because it removes the direct handoff tension. If transitions are high-conflict, using a neutral location or a third party can make them much smoother for the children.

4 Siblings and extended family

If you have multiple children, the default is for siblings to be together, travelling between homes as a group, on the same schedule. Separating siblings creates logistical complexity and emotional difficulty for the children. Courts strongly prefer keeping siblings together unless there's a specific reason not to.

For extended family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, the plan can note that each parent is responsible for facilitating the children's relationships with their extended family during their own parenting time. If maintaining a specific grandparent relationship is important to you, include it explicitly rather than leaving it to goodwill.

5 Holidays, special days, and vacations

This section is where most parenting plan disputes happen, and where the most detailed planning pays off. Be exhaustive. A vague holiday clause is a conflict engine.

Statutory holidays

List each statutory holiday in your province or state and assign it clearly. Many plans alternate holidays year by year: Parent A has Thanksgiving in odd years, Parent B in even years. Others split by household: one parent always has Christmas Eve, the other always has Christmas Day. There's no single right answer, the goal is clarity.

Special family days

Cover: each parent's birthday, each child's birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and any cultural or religious celebrations specific to your family. Children's birthdays are often handled by allowing each parent to celebrate separately, or by agreeing to share the day.

School breaks

Winter break, spring break, and summer should all be addressed separately. A common approach for summer: each parent takes one or two designated vacation weeks of their choice, giving written notice to the other parent by an agreed date (many plans use 30 to 60 days, or a fixed date such as 1 April). The remaining summer time follows the regular schedule.

6 Travel

Both domestic and international travel with the children requires clear rules. Without them, a vacation can become a flashpoint, and in serious cases, international travel without the other parent's consent can have legal consequences.

Domestic travel

Most plans allow each parent to travel domestically with the children during their parenting time, with notice to the other parent (typically 14 days). Agree on what information needs to be shared: destination, accommodation, contact number, and return date.

International travel

The plan should specify how international travel is approved, what notice is required, what itinerary details are shared, and who signs the consent letter. The Government of Canada recommends that a child travelling abroad without both parents, or without everyone who has decision-making responsibility, carry a consent letter. It is not legally required in Canada, but border officials or airlines can ask for one, and not having it can mean delays or refused entry. US authorities give similar advice for children travelling with one parent. Agree that the travelling parent will receive a signed letter within a set time of asking, for trips that fit the plan.

Passports

Address passport applications and renewals in the plan. In Canada, all parents generally take part in a child's passport application, although where parents share decision-making responsibility either one can apply; you must include any court orders or agreements dealing with decision-making, parenting time or mobility. In the US, both parents' consent is generally required for a passport for a child under 16. Say who applies, who signs, and who holds the passports between trips.

7 Education

Education decisions, school choice, tutoring, special programs, university, are typically joint decisions. The plan should confirm this and specify how disagreements about schooling are resolved.

School choice

If parents are enrolled in different school districts or are contemplating a school change, address this directly. Changing a child's school is a major decision and should require mutual agreement, or, if one parent objects, a defined process for resolution.

School involvement

Both parents generally have the right to receive school communications, attend parent-teacher meetings, and participate in school events. Include this explicitly. If conflict between parents at school events is a concern, address the protocol (attending the same events but separately, for example).

Report cards and school communications

Both parents should receive copies of all school communications. Specify that both parents' contact information is on file with the school.

8 Extracurricular activities

Activities, sports, music, arts, clubs, are important to children's wellbeing, but they create real co-parenting decisions: who signs up, who pays, who drives, and what happens during the other parent's time.

The key principles: existing activities continue unless both parents agree otherwise; new ongoing commitments that affect the other parent's time require mutual agreement; one parent shouldn't enrol children in activities that dominate the other parent's parenting time without consent.

Address cost-sharing for extracurriculars too. These are often Section 7 expenses (in Canada) and are typically split proportionally by income.

9 Religion, culture, and Indigenous heritage

If faith or cultural practice is important to your family, the plan should address it. For families where both parents share a religion, this may be simple: continue as before. For families with different faiths or where one parent has converted or become less observant, it requires honest discussion.

The general principle in most jurisdictions: children are raised in the religion or cultural tradition they were raised in during the relationship, and neither parent unilaterally changes that practice. Exposing children to a different faith during the other parent's time is not typically prohibited, but converting or indoctrinating without the other parent's agreement can become a legal issue.

For families with Indigenous heritage, the Divorce Act lists the child's cultural, linguistic, religious and spiritual upbringing and heritage, including Indigenous upbringing and heritage, among the best-interests factors. Say in the plan how each parent will support the child's connection to their community, language and culture.

10 Healthcare

Healthcare decisions are joint decisions in most jurisdictions. Both parents must agree on elective medical treatment. Emergency care is an exception, each parent can authorise emergency treatment during their parenting time without the other's consent.

Regular care

Establish who maintains each type of healthcare provider, family doctor, dentist, orthodontist, therapist, and agree that both parents are kept informed and are able to attend appointments. The plan should specify that each parent receives copies of all health records and can communicate directly with providers.

Insurance

Specify whose employer health plan covers the children and how out-of-pocket costs are shared. In Canada, dental and paramedical expenses not covered by insurance are often Section 7 expenses split by income.

Mental health

Address children's counselling specifically. Both parents should agree on the therapist and both should be kept informed of progress (within appropriate therapeutic boundaries). If a child needs counselling related to the separation, getting both parents' agreement on the therapist before starting avoids complications later.

11 Children with special needs

If a child has a disability, chronic illness, learning difference, or other special need, the parenting plan requires additional specificity. The standard schedule may need modification. Transition arrangements may need to be different. Therapeutic or educational support needs to be consistent across both households.

Spell out: what accommodations each household maintains, how therapists and support workers are managed, how medical equipment travels between homes, and how school accommodations are coordinated. Consistency across households is especially important for children with autism, ADHD, or anxiety-related conditions. Our guide to parenting plans for children with special needs covers schedules, decisions, costs and support beyond 18.

Financial responsibility for special needs support, assistive devices, therapy, respite care, should be addressed clearly, as these costs can be significant.

12 Relocation

Relocation is one of the most contentious issues in family law. A move of even a short distance can fundamentally disrupt a parenting schedule. A move across the country or internationally can effectively end one parent's relationship with the children.

Notice requirements

Under the Divorce Act, a parent who plans a relocation (a move likely to have a significant impact on the child's relationship with the other parent) must give at least 60 days' written notice in the prescribed form, and the other parent has 30 days to object. Several provinces, including Ontario and British Columbia, have similar rules for unmarried parents. US states set their own notice periods and procedures. Include a specific notice requirement in the plan, and never treat it as shorter than the law where you live.

What happens if one parent wants to move

The plan should specify what happens when one parent intends to move: notice to the other parent, a defined window for objection, and if there's disagreement, a process for resolution (mediation, then court if necessary). Courts take relocation seriously. Under the Divorce Act, who has to prove what depends on the current arrangement: where the children spend substantially equal time with both parents, the parent who wants to move must show it is in the children's best interests; where they spend the vast majority of their time with the moving parent, the objecting parent must show it is not. US states use a range of tests. Our guide to moving with the kids after separation explains both countries.

How the schedule adapts

If the move is approved, the schedule will need to change. Address this in advance: longer blocks of parenting time during school breaks to compensate for lost regular time, travel cost responsibility, and how transitions will happen at a distance.

13 New partners and blended families

At some point, one or both parents will likely be in a new relationship. The plan can address this proactively, before it becomes a source of tension.

Common provisions: a waiting period before introducing a new partner to the children (some families agree on a fixed period, others on "once the relationship is serious"), notice to the other parent before an introduction, an agreement that neither parent will speak negatively about the other's new partner to the children, and how significant new partners are introduced and communicated about.

There is no right answer on timing. What matters is that the children are given space to adjust, that introductions are done gradually, and that neither parent uses their new relationship to create pressure on the other.

14 When a parent is away for extended periods

Military deployment, work travel, extended illness, or incarceration can disrupt a parenting schedule significantly. The plan should anticipate this.

Specify: how the absent parent maintains contact with the children (video calls, letters, scheduled calls), whether parenting time is suspended or transferred during an extended absence, and what happens to the parenting time balance when the parent returns. Agree on a make-up schedule if parenting time is missed for reasons outside either parent's control.

15 Mental health and substance use

If substance use or mental health is a current concern, or a concern that existed during the relationship, the plan needs to address it directly. This is not a judgment. It's a protection for the children and, honestly, for both parents.

Provisions might include: requirements to be sober during parenting time, breathalyser or drug testing provisions in serious cases, conditions under which parenting time can be suspended, and how the children are to be cared for if a parent is unable to care for them during their scheduled time.

If mental health is the concern, provisions might include maintaining treatment as a condition of unsupervised parenting time, notification requirements if a parent is hospitalised, and what happens to parenting time during an acute episode.

These are difficult conversations. A family mediator or parenting coordinator can help structure them in a way that is fair and workable for everyone.

16 Making changes to the plan

Parenting plans are living documents. Children grow. Circumstances change. The plan you write when your child is three won't look the same when they're twelve.

Informal changes

Many families adjust the schedule informally as life changes. That's fine, but be careful about informal changes that become permanent without being documented. If both parents agree to a change that will last more than a few weeks, put it in writing. A simple exchange of emails confirming the change is better than nothing.

Formal review

Include a provision for formal review, for example every two to three years, or when a significant life change happens (a child starts school, a parent's work schedule changes, the family moves). A review doesn't mean the plan will change, but it gives both parents a legitimate moment to raise concerns.

What courts consider

If you can't agree on a change and need to go back to court, the usual test is a "material change in circumstances" (US courts often say "substantial change"). Courts won't modify a parenting order just because one parent wants something different, there needs to be a real, significant change in the children's or a parent's circumstances. Mediation is almost always worth trying before court. Read more about changing an agreement after a material change.

Next steps

A complete parenting plan takes time to build. You don't have to do it all at once. A practical order:

1. Write down what is happening now: the actual schedule, who handles school and medical, and what is working.
2. Draft the regular schedule and the holiday schedule with exact days, times and exchange points.
3. Agree the decision-making process for education, health, religion and activities, and the dispute resolution steps.
4. Work through the remaining topics using the checklist above or our parenting plan preparation checklist.
5. Plan for growth: add review dates and, for older children, a way to hear their views. Our guide to teenagers and parenting plans shows how.

When you raise the plan with your co-parent, a calm opening helps: "I'd like us to write down a schedule so the kids know what to expect and we have fewer things to negotiate. Can I send you a draft to react to?"

When you have a working draft, both parents should have it reviewed by independent legal counsel before signing. This isn't about fighting over it. It's about making sure both of you understand what you're agreeing to and that the plan is enforceable where you live.

If you're struggling to agree on key provisions, a mediator or parenting coordinator can help. They're not there to take sides, they're there to help you reach an agreement that works for your children.

Common questions

Do we need a lawyer to write a parenting plan?

No. Parents can write their own plan. Having each parent's draft reviewed by their own family lawyer before signing is strongly recommended, because a lawyer can check the plan is clear and advise whether it will be enforceable where you live.

Is a parenting plan legally binding?

It depends how it is made. A signed agreement is a contract that courts give weight to, and a plan included in a court order is enforceable as an order. In Canada, a court in a divorce must include a plan the parents submit unless it is not in the child's best interests.

What is the best schedule for young children?

There is no single answer. Younger children often do better with shorter gaps between seeing each parent, such as a 2-2-3 rotation, while older children often prefer fewer transitions, such as week on, week off.

Can we change the plan later?

Yes. You can change it by written agreement at any time. If you can't agree, a court can change an order or agreement when there has been a material change in circumstances.

This guide is legal information, not legal advice, and it is written for a general audience across Canada and the United States. Family law is provincial and state-based and changes over time. Before you rely on anything here for your own situation, confirm it with a qualified family lawyer in your province or state. FairWell can connect you with one through the professional directory.