Start at the top. The list runs in order of urgency, so the first section matters most if you only do one thing today. Rules on support, property and deadlines differ between provinces and states, so check yours on the family law by province and state page. If you are not safe at home, skip to the first item and read safety planning before anything else.

Today or tomorrow: safety and essentials

If you or your children are in danger, call 911. If there is any safety concern, contact a local shelter or crisis line, or a lawyer, before anything else on this list.Why: a separation is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Safety planning guide.
Put your ID, passports, birth certificates, health cards and any medication somewhere safe and easy to grab.Why: these are hard to replace quickly and you may need them for banking, travel or a new lease.
Before you move out, or move the children, get quick legal advice.Why: who leaves, and what happens with the children in the first weeks, can shape the interim arrangement.
Don't sign anything about property, support or the children yet.Why: early agreements made in a hurry are hard to undo. Agree interim steps only, in writing.

This week: protect your information and money

Change passwords on your personal email, banking and phone accounts from a device your partner has never used, and check location sharing.Why: shared devices and saved passwords are the most common way private messages get read.
Open a bank account in your own name and redirect your pay.Why: you need money you control for rent, groceries and a lawyer.
Photograph or copy documents you can lawfully access: tax returns, statements, pension statements, insurance, mortgage, lease, vehicle ownership.Why: you will need them for financial disclosure and they can be harder to reach later. Financial disclosure checklist.
Get your credit report. Canada: Equifax and TransUnion. US: AnnualCreditReport.com (Equifax, Experian and TransUnion).Why: it shows every joint debt in your name, including ones you may not know about.
Write down the separation date and confirm it to your partner in a short, neutral message.Why: many deadlines and calculations run from this date. Why the separation date matters.

First two weeks: money

List every asset and debt you know about, with balances as of the separation date.Why: this becomes the backbone of your disclosure and your agreement.
Stop new borrowing on joint credit cards and lines of credit. Do not empty joint accounts.Why: you are both usually liable for joint debt, and taking more than your share is likely to be adjusted later. Joint debt at separation.
Agree who pays what for the next 60 days and write it down as an interim arrangement, without prejudice.Why: it keeps the mortgage, rent and bills paid without either of you giving up a position.
Keep paying insurance premiums and keep everyone on existing health and benefit plans for now.Why: a lapsed policy or removed dependant can be hard or costly to restore.
Sort out child support for the interim, even informally, and keep receipts for anything you pay for the children.Why: children's costs do not pause, and records make the later calculation easier. Free calculators.
Make a simple one-household budget.Why: it tells you what you can afford and what support you may need to ask for.

Children

Agree an interim schedule, even a rough one, and put it on a shared calendar.Why: predictability is what children need most in the first weeks. Co-parenting apps can help.
Read the guide on talking to children about separation before the first conversation, and tell them together if you safely can.
Tell the school or daycare who may collect the children and how to reach both parents.
Do not discuss the separation terms in front of the children or ask them to carry messages.Why: it puts them in the middle, and judges and mediators notice when it happens.

Weeks two to four: process

Complete the free FairWell assessment to get your dated roadmap.
Book an initial consultation with a family lawyer for advice on your position. Many offer flat-fee first meetings.Why: one hour of advice early can prevent expensive mistakes. What to bring.
Decide which route fits: negotiating an agreement with a lawyer for each of you, mediation, collaborative law or court.Compare the routes.
Note the deadlines in your province or state that run from the separation date.Why: some claims have time limits. Your province or state page lists them.
Ask a lawyer before changing will or beneficiary designations.Why: in some places changes are restricted once a case is filed. Updating your will after separation.
Canada: set a reminder for day 90 of separation. US: note that your tax filing status depends on your marital status on December 31.Why: once you have been separated more than 90 days, the CRA must be told by the end of the following month, which affects benefits such as the Canada Child Benefit.

Yourself

Tell two people you trust.
Book a therapist or counsellor if you can.Why: separation is a major health event. Finding the right therapist.
Stay off social media about the separation.Why: posts can be screenshotted and used in negotiations or court. Social media during separation.
Sleep, eat and move.Why: it sounds basic, but tired, hungry people make worse decisions in hard conversations.

Turn the checklist into a plan

The free assessment builds a dated roadmap for your province or state around items like these.

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