Coercive control

The short answer

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used to dominate a partner: isolating, monitoring, controlling money, threatening, wearing someone down. Canada's Divorce Act names it as family violence, and judges deciding parenting must consider it. Some US states, such as California, also name it. It is not the same as two people who argue, and it changes what is safe: joint mediation and co-parenting are often not appropriate. If you are in danger, call 911.

If you are in danger right now, call 911. In the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline answers at 1-800-799-7233, or you can text START to 88788. In Canada, ShelterSafe lists shelters and crisis lines by province and territory, and in Ontario the 24/7 Victim Support Line is 1-888-579-2888. Children and teens in Canada can reach Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or by texting CONNECT to 686868. If someone may be watching your phone or computer, use a device they cannot access, such as a friend's or a work phone.

Many people who were never hit still spent years being controlled. They were told who they could see, had to account for every dollar, had their phone checked, and learned to read a partner's mood before speaking. When they separate, they are often told it was "a high-conflict relationship" and that both of them need to learn to get along. This guide explains why the law increasingly sees it differently, what that means for parenting arrangements, and how to protect yourself and your children while you get advice. It is general information, not legal advice.

What coercive control is

Justice Canada's fact sheet on divorce and family violence describes coercive and controlling family violence as a pattern of abusive behaviour used to control or dominate another family member. It can combine emotional, psychological, sexual, financial or other abuse, such as choosing a partner's clothing, controlling their money, or not letting them work or see friends, and it is often combined with physical violence.

A 2023 research brief for Justice Canada by Peter Jaffe, Nicholas Bala and colleagues lists the kinds of behaviour that make up the pattern, during a relationship and after it ends:

intimidation and threats, including threats of self-harm or suicide
isolating a partner from friends, family, work or school
constant criticism and degrading verbal abuse
economic abuse, including not paying child support or not providing financial information
stalking and monitoring, including reading messages, tracking and controlling phone access
gaslighting: making the other person doubt their own memory and judgement

The same brief lists how it can feel to the person on the receiving end: afraid, worn down, second-guessing yourself, micro-managed, financially dependent, unable to trust your own decisions. If several of those sound familiar, it is worth talking to someone trained in family violence, even if nothing physical has happened.

Conflict is not the same as coercive control

All separating couples argue. The difference is power. In conflict, two people disagree and both can push back. In coercive control, one person's behaviour is aimed at keeping the other in line, and the other adapts to stay safe.

The 2023 Justice Canada brief places family situations on a continuum. At one end are high conflict and isolated incidents with genuine remorse and no ongoing fear. At the other are battering, coercive control and stalking. The brief's central point is that the right parenting arrangement depends on where a family sits, and that a one-size-fits-all approach to post-separation parenting is not appropriate where there is family violence.

Timing matters too. Justice Canada says people are often at higher risk of family violence soon after a separation, and that people who use coercive control often continue or escalate the abuse after separation. Plan your exit with that in mind; our guide to safety planning when there is abuse walks through it.

How Canadian family law treats it

Since March 2021, the federal Divorce Act defines family violence as conduct, whether or not it is a crime, that is violent or threatening, that constitutes a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour, or that causes a family member to fear for their own safety or someone else's. For a child, direct or indirect exposure to that conduct counts. The listed examples include psychological abuse, financial abuse, harassment and stalking, and threats to harm a pet.

When a judge makes a parenting order, section 16 requires them to give primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being. One of the best-interests factors is any family violence and its impact, including on whether it is appropriate to make an order that requires the parents to cooperate. In weighing that impact, the judge must consider, among other things, whether there is a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour, whether the child was exposed, and any steps the person has taken to stop and to improve their parenting.

Courts must also consider any protection order, child protection matter or criminal case involving the parties, and you will usually have to tell the court about them. Provincial family laws, which apply to unmarried parents, generally recognise family violence too; the 2023 brief notes that coercive control is now recognised in the Divorce Act and most provincial and territorial family laws. Check the wording that applies in your province with a lawyer.

Is coercive control a crime in Canada?

This is where people get confused, because the law has moved twice in two years. A private member's bill, Bill C-332, would have created a criminal offence of coercive control. It passed the House of Commons on 12 June 2024 and was in committee in the Senate when the parliamentary session ended in January 2025, so it did not become law.

The idea came back in a government bill. The Protecting Victims Act (Bill C-16) received Royal Assent on 18 June 2026. It creates a new offence of engaging in a pattern of coercive or controlling conduct toward an intimate partner. Justice Canada says most of the Act came into force on 18 July 2026, but the coercive control provisions will come into force no later than two years after Royal Assent, to allow time for training. Until they do, police and prosecutors rely on existing offences such as criminal harassment, threats and assault. Ask a lawyer or victim services worker for the current status where you live.

The family law definition does not depend on the criminal offence. A family court can take coercive control into account whether or not anyone has been charged.

How US states treat it

Family law in the US is state law, so the answer depends on your state. Some states now name coercive control in their family codes. California is a clear example. Family Code section 6320 lets a court make a protective order against "disturbing the peace" of the other party, and says this includes coercive control: a pattern of behaviour that unreasonably interferes with a person's free will and personal liberty, such as isolating them from support, depriving them of necessities, or controlling or monitoring their movements, communications, finances or access to services.

That matters for parenting. Under California Family Code section 3044, a finding that a parent perpetrated domestic violence within the previous five years, which can include disturbing the peace under section 6320, creates a rebuttable presumption that giving that parent sole or joint custody is detrimental to the child. Other states use different definitions and tests. A family lawyer or a domestic violence advocate in your state can tell you what applies.

Why mediation and "meet in the middle" can be unsafe

Most separation advice, including ours, encourages settling out of court. The Divorce Act asks parties to try family dispute resolution, but only "to the extent that it is appropriate." Justice Canada's family dispute resolution fact sheet is direct about the limits: if one parent is controlling, the other may not be able to speak up for themselves or their children in the same room, and where there are ongoing safety concerns it may not be possible to mediate safely.

Options exist. Accredited mediators should screen for family violence. Shuttle mediation keeps you in separate rooms or on separate calls. In California, if there is a history of domestic violence or a protective order, the court mediator must meet the parties separately on request (Family Code section 3181). But you are allowed to say no to any process that does not feel safe, and to tell your lawyer why.

The same caution applies to FairWell. Separation Agreement Prep lets one partner invite the other to a shared process. If your partner controls or frightens you, do not use the invitation feature. Work with a lawyer instead, and use the FairWell directory to find one.

How it changes parenting arrangements

The 2023 Justice Canada brief is clear that co-parenting and joint decision-making are not appropriate in coercive control cases, because they can let the pattern continue. Depending on severity, history, the children's needs and whether the parent has taken responsibility, arrangements may include:

Parallel parenting, where each parent runs their own household and contact between parents is minimal. The brief notes this generally needs careful professional assessment after violence.
Primary residence with one parent and a more limited, structured role for the other.
Supervised exchanges, so the parents do not meet at handovers.
Supervised parenting time, by family, a volunteer or a professional centre.
No contact, at the far end of the continuum.

The brief also recommends a highly structured arrangement with little flexibility, to avoid constant renegotiation, and says supervision should only end once the pattern of abuse or control has ended. Our guide to parallel parenting in your child's interest explains how detailed plans reduce contact points. If you are drafting terms, the Parenting Plan Builder can help you set out handovers and communication rules for your lawyer to review.

How to document a pattern

A judge cannot act on what they do not know. Justice Canada notes that family violence often happens in private, and lists examples of evidence: 911 calls, statements or testimony from people who saw or heard the abuse or its effects, photos of injuries, recordings, and medical records. For coercive control, the 2023 brief advises documenting patterns of conduct rather than isolated acts, and recording how the behaviour affects you and the children.

Keep a dated log. Short entries: date, what happened, who saw it, how it affected you or the children. Patterns show over weeks.
Keep the messages. Screenshots of texts and emails, with dates. Save copies somewhere the other person cannot reach.
Note the money. Withheld funds, monitored accounts, debts in your name. See our guide to financial abuse.
Tell professionals. A doctor, counsellor or victim services worker creates a record, and their observations can matter later.
Write down post-separation behaviour. The brief lists litigation abuse, such as repeated court applications meant to exhaust your money and energy, as a form of ongoing control.

Keep the log safe. A notebook at a friend's home or an account only you can open is safer than a shared device.

When alienation is raised against you

Parents who raise abuse are sometimes accused of turning the children against the other parent. Both research and practice guidance urge caution. The 2023 Justice Canada brief says significant caution should be used when assessing alienation claims against parents who may be victims, and that denial and minimisation by genuine abusers is more common than false or exaggerated claims by alleged victims. Cafcass, the children's court service in England, warns that alienation allegations can themselves be used as coercive control or to deflect attention. Stay focused on the children's safety and on facts, and let an assessor look at the whole picture.

When to get professional help

Now, if you fear for your safety or your children's: call 911 or a crisis line above.
Before you leave or announce a separation, if you can do so safely: a domestic violence advocate can help you plan.
Before any mediation or parenting agreement: a family lawyer, ideally one experienced with family violence. Legal aid may be available.
For the children: a counsellor who understands exposure to family violence. Justice Canada notes children can be harmed by seeing or hearing abuse even when it is not aimed at them.

Sources

Common questions

Can I get a protection order for coercive control if I was never hit?

Often, yes. Canada's Divorce Act and most provincial family laws treat a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour as family violence even when there is no physical abuse, and some US states, such as California, name coercive control in their protective order laws. The test and the type of order differ by province and state, so ask a family lawyer or a domestic violence advocate where you live.

Is coercive control a crime in Canada now?

Parliament passed the Protecting Victims Act (Bill C-16), which received Royal Assent on 18 June 2026 and creates a coercive control offence. Justice Canada says that part comes into force no later than two years after Royal Assent, to allow for training, so check its current status. Family courts can already consider coercive control as family violence under the Divorce Act.

Do I have to go to mediation with someone who controls me?

The Divorce Act asks parties to try out-of-court processes only where it is appropriate, and Justice Canada says mediation may not be safe where there are ongoing safety concerns. Tell the mediator or your lawyer about the abuse. Options include screening, shuttle mediation in separate rooms, or going directly to court.

Will raising coercive control make me look like I am trying to keep the children from their other parent?

It is a common fear. Justice Canada's 2023 research brief warns against treating a parent who raises family violence as unfriendly or uncooperative, and urges caution with alienation claims against parents who may be victims. Focus on documented facts and the children's safety, and work with a lawyer experienced in family violence.

Find a family lawyer who understands family violence

The FairWell directory lists credential-verified family lawyers and mediators in Canada and the US. Search by location and ask, before you book, about their experience with coercive control and safety planning.

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This guide is general information for parents, not medical, psychological or legal advice. It draws on published research and guidance from recognised health and family justice bodies, listed under Sources. Every child and family is different. If you are worried about your child or yourself, talk to your family doctor or a qualified professional. FairWell can help you find one through the professional directory. How we write and check our guides.