Where will you live?

The short answer

Start with what one income can carry, not with listings. Most people choose between keeping the family home, renting, buying or staying with family for a while, and each has rules worth knowing: separated Canadians may use the Home Buyers' Plan again, US lenders usually count support only once it is in a signed agreement, and parents may have to give written notice before a move. Put the children's school and the other home at the centre of the decision.

Working out where you will live is often the first hard, practical decision after a separation. It touches everything else: your budget, your children's routine, how parenting time works and how quickly you can settle the rest. It also tends to get made in a hurry, from a friend's spare room or a short-term rental, before anyone has looked at the numbers.

This guide sets out the main options, what each one costs you and the rules that apply in Canada and the US. It is general information, not legal or financial advice. Housing, tenancy and family law differ by province and state, so confirm anything important with a lawyer or adviser where you live.

Start with the number, not the listing

Before you look at a single place, work out what one income can carry. National Bank's guidance for newly single parents is a sensible order of operations: build your new single-parent budget first, then estimate how much of your income can go to housing, then decide whether you can carry your current home on one income or need to move.

A common yardstick is 30%. Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation uses 30% of before-tax household income as its affordability line when it measures core housing need, and in the US, households spending more than 30% of income on housing are described as cost burdened (more than 50% is severe). These are measuring sticks, not rules for your family, but if rent or a mortgage would take much more than that, the rest of the budget usually breaks.

The FairWell calculators include a budget planner as well as child and spousal support estimates, so you can see housing next to everything else. If you want someone to check the result, a FairWell Second Opinion gives written notes on a post-separation budget.

Count support carefully

Support you expect to receive is real money, but lenders and landlords may not count it yet. In the US, Fannie Mae's rules let a lender count alimony or child support as qualifying income only if it is documented in a divorce decree, separation agreement or similar, received for the most recent six months, and expected to continue for at least three years from the application. Fannie Mae says plainly that if a separated borrower has no separation agreement specifying support, proposed or voluntary payments should not be counted. In Canada, ask the lender what documents it needs before you rely on support income.

Before anyone moves out

Leaving the family home can affect your property position, the children's routine and the parenting arrangements that follow. Read should I move out of the family home? before you sign a lease. If you are not safe at home, your safety comes first; call 911 in an emergency.

Option 1: Keep the family home

Staying put keeps the children's school, friends and bedroom the same, which is a real advantage. The question is whether one person can carry it. National Bank's guidance is direct: if you own the home jointly and one of you wants to keep it, you need an agreement on the buyout, enough liquid assets and the ability to borrow, and if neither of you can hold on to it, it will have to be sold.

Price the true monthly cost on one income: mortgage, property tax, insurance, utilities, maintenance and the payment on any new loan used for the buyout. Our guides to buying out your spouse's share and the mortgage after separation walk through the steps.

Option 2: Rent

Renting is the most common bridge. It is flexible, it does not tie up cash you may need for legal costs, and it lets you live near the children's school while the rest is settled. Practical points:

Think about lease length. A shorter lease costs more per month in some markets but keeps your options open while property and support are unresolved.
Bedrooms matter if you will have the children overnight. Plan where each child will sleep and keep some of their things there.
Check your current lease before you leave it. If both names are on the lease you share now, read what it says about one tenant leaving, and talk to the landlord about removing a name or assigning the lease before you go.

Ending a lease early because of abuse

Some places allow tenants to leave early when they face violence:

Ontario: according to CLEO, if you or a child living with you has experienced domestic or sexual violence or abuse, you may be able to give your landlord 28 days' notice using Landlord and Tenant Board Form N15, with a supporting statement.
British Columbia: the Residential Tenancy Act lets a tenant end a fixed-term tenancy early where they or a dependant are likely at risk from family violence by a family member, as summarised in the Clicklaw wikibook.
US, federally assisted housing: HUD explains that under the Violence Against Women Act, survivors in HUD-assisted housing cannot be evicted or lose assistance because of the abuse committed against them, can ask for an emergency transfer, and can ask the landlord to split the lease to remove the abusive person. Private-market lease rules vary by state.

For other situations, notice rules depend on your province or state and your lease. A local tenant or legal aid clinic can tell you where you stand.

Option 3: Buy

Buying soon after separation makes sense for some people, especially if you have your share of the equity in hand and a stable income. It is harder to undo than a lease, so be sure the budget works first.

Canada: the Home Buyers' Plan after a breakdown

Separated Canadians can sometimes use the RRSP Home Buyers' Plan even if they have owned before. The Canada Revenue Agency explains that, for withdrawals after 2019, you can be treated as a first-time buyer if, at the time of the withdrawal, you are living separate and apart from your spouse or common-law partner because of the breakdown, have been separated for at least 90 days, and the separation began in the year of the withdrawal or one of the four preceding calendar years.

If you still own and live in a home at the time, either that home must be sold, or your interest transferred to your former partner, by the end of the second calendar year after the withdrawal year, or the plan must be used to buy out your former partner's interest within the time limits CRA sets. If you have a new spouse or partner, they must not own and live in a home that is their principal residence. TD's current guide (as of March 2026) puts the withdrawal limit at $60,000 per person, raised from $35,000 on 16 April 2024, with repayment over 15 years. Confirm the current limit and repayment start date with CRA before you withdraw.

US: qualifying on one income

The Fannie Mae support rule above is the one that catches people: if your income depends on support, a lender following those rules will want the signed agreement or decree and six months of payment history. That often means renting first and buying once the agreement is signed and payments are flowing. A mortgage lender or HUD-approved housing counsellor can tell you what applies to you.

Option 4: Stay with family or friends for a while

Living with a parent, sibling or friend can be a sensible bridge. It saves money and buys time to make a good decision instead of a fast one. Set an end date and a contribution, even a small one, so the arrangement does not sour. If the children will stay with you, think honestly about whether there is room for them to sleep, do homework and have some privacy.

Option 5: Subsidised housing

If your income is low, apply early. In the US, the Housing Choice Voucher program (Section 8) helps low-income families rent in the private market. HUD says you apply through your local Public Housing Agency, and because of high demand and long waiting lists you may need to apply to several. In Canada, social and subsidised housing is run by provinces and municipalities; start with your provincial housing website or your municipality.

Location: the school, the other home and the law

For parents, location often matters more than square footage. Being close to the school and to the other parent makes shared schedules, handovers and activities work. A long commute tends to wear down the parent, the child and the schedule.

The law also asks for notice. Under Canada's Divorce Act, a person with parenting time or decision-making responsibility who plans to change their residence or the child's must notify others with parenting time or decision-making responsibility, in writing, with the date and the new address. A relocation, meaning a move likely to have a significant impact on the child's relationship with another parent or person with parenting time, requires at least 60 days' written notice in the prescribed form, and the other parent has 30 days to object. A court can modify the notice requirements where there is a risk of family violence. Provincial laws and US states have their own rules, and many orders and agreements include notice clauses, so check yours. Our guide to long-distance parenting covers what happens when homes end up far apart.

What children need from a second home

The Canadian Paediatric Society advises parents to talk openly about how living arrangements will change once plans are settled, to be clear about who the children will live with and when, and to keep routines as normal as possible, ideally with common routines across both homes. In practice, that usually means:

A bed and a space of their own, even if it is a corner of a shared room.
Duplicates of the daily basics (toothbrush, pyjamas, chargers) so they are not packing a suitcase every changeover.
Letting them help set up their space.
Telling them about a move before it happens, at a level they can follow.

See two homes, one childhood for more, and put the schedule and handover details in writing with the FairWell Parenting Plan.

The admin after a move

Change your address with your bank, employer, insurers, the children's school and the post office.
Canada: once you have been separated for more than 90 days, CRA asks you to update your marital status by the end of the following month, because the Canada Child Benefit and GST/HST credit are recalculated on your new family income.
Insurance: National Bank reminds separating couples that home and insurance policies in both names need updating, and that you may want to change beneficiaries.

When to get professional help

Before you move out of a home you own or rent jointly, speak to a family lawyer about the effect on property and parenting.
Before a move that could count as a relocation, get legal advice on notice.
Before withdrawing from an RRSP or applying for a mortgage, speak to the lender or a financial adviser.
If you are facing abuse, contact a local shelter or victim services. In the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE.

The FairWell directory lists family lawyers and mediators by province and state.

This guide is general information, not legal or financial advice. Tenancy, family and housing rules differ by province and state and change over time.

Sources

Common questions

How much rent can I afford on one income after separation?

There is no single rule, but a common yardstick is about 30% of before-tax income. CMHC uses 30% as its affordability line in Canada, and US households paying more than 30% are described as cost burdened. Build a full one-income budget first, including support you can rely on, then see what is left for housing.

Can I use the Home Buyers' Plan if I owned a home with my ex?

Possibly. CRA treats you as a first-time buyer for the plan if you are living separate and apart because of the breakdown, have been separated for at least 90 days, and the separation began in the year of withdrawal or the four years before. If you still own a home, it generally has to be sold or transferred to your former partner within the deadline, unless you are using the plan to buy out their share.

Will a US lender count child support or alimony when I apply for a mortgage?

Under Fannie Mae's rules, only if it is in a decree, separation agreement or similar document, you have received it for the last six months, and it will continue for at least three years. Voluntary or proposed payments without a separation agreement are not counted. Ask your lender which rules it follows.

Do I have to tell my ex before I move with the children?

Often, yes. Under Canada's Divorce Act, a parent planning a change of residence must give written notice with the date and new address, and a relocation that significantly affects the child's relationship with the other parent needs at least 60 days' notice in the prescribed form. Provincial laws, US states and many agreements have their own notice rules, so check yours with a lawyer.

See what one income can carry

The FairWell budget planner puts housing next to support, childcare and everything else, so you can choose a home your budget can hold. Free, no account needed.

Open the budget planner

This guide is general information for parents, not medical, psychological or legal advice. It draws on published research and guidance from recognised health and family justice bodies, listed under Sources. Every child and family is different. If you are worried about your child or yourself, talk to your family doctor or a qualified professional. FairWell can help you find one through the professional directory. How we write and check our guides.