Summer with two homes

The short answer

Start in the winter, not in June. Read what your agreement already says, agree who picks vacation weeks first and by when, and decide whether to keep the regular schedule or switch to summer blocks. Settle camp costs and travel notice in writing before anyone pays a deposit or books a flight, and agree a backup plan for illness and work changes. Put the child's routine and contact with the other parent at the centre of every choice.

For many separated families, summer is harder than the school year. The routine that holds everything together disappears for two months. Camps have to be booked and paid for months ahead. One parent wants two weeks at the lake, the other has a family reunion, and the child wants to go to the same camp as a best friend. Family lawyer Lisa Zeiderman, writing in Psychology Today, notes that co-parenting stress often peaks in summer for exactly these reasons: camp costs, conflicting events, and what to do if a child gets sick before a trip.

This guide gives you a plan to work through, in order, so that the summer is decided before it starts. It applies in Canada and the United States. Where a rule about money or travel differs, we say so.

Start with what you have already signed

Before you negotiate anything, read your parenting plan, separation agreement or court order. Many already say who chooses vacation time first, how much notice is needed, and whether summer follows the regular schedule. Zeiderman's advice is to review the agreement and start planning a few months ahead, and to put any changes in writing so both of you agree on exactly what was changed.

If your plan says nothing about summer, this is a good year to add it. Justice Canada's Parenting Plan Checklist asks the questions a summer clause needs to answer: who cares for the children during school breaks, whether holidays alternate between households, whether changes are acceptable, and how much advance notice each parent needs.

A simple planning calendar

Winter: reread the agreement. Ask your children (in an age-appropriate way) what they would like to do.
Early spring: each parent shares work schedules and any fixed dates such as weddings or reunions. The parent with first pick names their weeks by the agreed date.
Before camp registration closes: agree which camps and activities, and how they will be paid for, before anyone pays a deposit.
At least a few weeks before travel: share itineraries and sign any consent letter.
Early in the summer: confirm the backup plan and the contact schedule.

Choosing a summer structure

TalkingParents, a co-parenting app provider, notes that families either keep their regular schedule or create a summer-specific one, because camps and trips can disrupt arrangements like alternating weeks. There is no single right answer. The common options are:

Keep the regular schedule and carve out one or two vacation weeks for each parent. Simple and predictable, which suits many younger children.
Alternating blocks of one or two weeks in each home. Good for travel and for older children, but long stretches away from one parent can be hard for young children. Our guide to parenting schedules by age covers what tends to suit each stage.
A hybrid: the regular schedule in July, blocks in August, or the reverse.

Zeiderman suggests factoring in each child's age, interests and wishes: older children may want specific activities, while younger children often need more structure. Their preferences matter, but they should not have to decide. Our guide on how much say teenagers should have can help.

Who picks first, and by when

The cleanest rule is that one parent has first choice of vacation weeks in odd years and the other in even years, with a fixed deadline for each choice. A deadline matters more than who goes first: it stops one parent from holding the calendar open until June.

"It's an even year, so you pick first. Can you send your two weeks by March 31 and I'll send mine by April 15?"

"I'll let you know when I know. Just keep the summer free."

Camps and activities: who pays

Agree on the camp before anyone registers. A deposit paid without discussion is one of the most common summer arguments.

In Canada

Under section 7 of the Federal Child Support Guidelines, a court can order the parents to share certain expenses on top of table child support. Two categories often cover summer costs: child care expenses incurred because of the employment, illness, disability or education of the parent with the majority of parenting time, and extraordinary expenses for extracurricular activities. A day camp that lets a parent work may count as child care; a specialised hockey or music camp may be an extracurricular expense, if it is extraordinary for your family. The court looks at whether the expense is necessary for the child's best interests and reasonable given the parents' means and the family's spending before separation.

The guiding principle is that the expense is shared in proportion to the parents' incomes, after deducting any contribution from the child, and after taking into account any subsidies, benefits, tax deductions or credits that relate to it. Our guide to section 7 expenses explains the test, and the Shared Child Expenses Calculator works out each parent's share.

In the United States

How camp and child care costs are shared depends on your state's child support guidelines and your agreement, so check both. There is a federal tax angle: according to IRS Publication 503, the cost of an overnight camp is not a work-related expense for the Child and Dependent Care Credit, but a day camp may be, even if it specialises in an activity such as soccer. For separated parents, the credit generally goes to the custodial parent, which the IRS defines as the parent the child lived with for the greater number of nights in the year. Ask a tax professional how this applies to you.

Justice Canada's checklist asks whether parents will notify each other of travel plans, how far in advance, and what information they will share, such as flight details, emergency contacts and where the child will be staying. Zeiderman adds the practical points to settle in advance: how much notice is needed for out-of-town trips, how travel costs are handled, whether extended stays such as two consecutive weeks are allowed, and how the child keeps in touch with the other parent.

Crossing a border

From Canada: Global Affairs Canada recommends that any child under 19 travelling abroad without both parents carry a consent letter signed by the parent who is not travelling, including for a day trip across the land border into the United States. It recommends a letter even where a parenting order lets one parent make travel decisions alone, along with a copy of the order.
In the United States: both parents or guardians must approve a passport for a child under 16, either by appearing in person or by a notarised Form DS-3053 from the parent who cannot attend, unless one parent has sole legal authority and provides the court order. Leave time for this before a summer trip.

Our guide to travelling with your child after separation covers consent letters and passports in detail.

Keep the other parent in the picture

A two-week block is a long time for a child to go without hearing from a parent. Agree a light, predictable contact routine in advance, such as a video call every second evening at a set time, rather than leaving it to chance. Our guide to calls and messages with the other parent has ideas that work across time zones.

Keep some routine in both homes

Children have less structure in summer, so consistency between homes matters more. TalkingParents suggests agreeing shared guidelines on bedtimes and wake-up times, eating, physical activity, screen time and chores. You do not need identical rules, just a broadly similar rhythm. See consistent rules across two homes.

Plan for what goes wrong

Zeiderman recommends deciding in advance how to handle illness, travel delays and work changes, always putting the child's needs first. Decide now:

What happens if the child is sick on the day a trip starts: does the trip move, shorten, or go ahead later?
Whether lost days are made up, and when.
Who covers child care if a parent's work schedule changes. Some families agree that the other parent is offered the time first before a sitter is booked.
How changes are requested and confirmed (in writing, through a co-parenting app or email).

Writing the summer clause

A good summer clause usually covers:

When the summer schedule starts and ends (last day of school to the week before school starts, for example).
Whether the regular schedule continues, and how many vacation weeks each parent has.
Who picks first in odd and even years, and the deadline for each choice.
Whether vacation weeks must be consecutive, and the longest block allowed.
Notice and itinerary requirements for travel, and consent letter or passport arrangements.
How camp and activity costs are approved and shared.
Contact with the other parent during long blocks.
Make-up time and backup arrangements.
How holidays that fall in summer (Canada Day, Independence Day, Labour Day or Labour Day, family occasions) are handled.

The FairWell parenting plan walks you through each of these, and our clause ideas page has sample wording. For other special days through the year, see birthdays, holidays and special days.

When to get professional help

If you cannot agree on the summer, a mediator or parenting coordinator can often settle a schedule in one or two sessions, far faster and more cheaply than court. Get legal advice if the other parent refuses consent for travel, if you have a real fear that a child will not be returned, or if there are safety concerns. The FairWell directory lists mediators and family lawyers by province and state.

This guide is general information, not legal or tax advice. Support rules, travel requirements and tax rules vary by province, state and country. Confirm your position with a professional where you live.

Sources

Common questions

Does summer have to follow our regular parenting schedule?

Only if your agreement or order says so. Many families keep the regular schedule with a vacation week or two for each parent; others switch to alternating blocks. If you change it, put the change in writing so you both agree on exactly what applies.

Who pays for summer camp after separation in Canada?

It depends on your agreement or order. Under section 7 of the Federal Child Support Guidelines, camp may be shared as child care if it lets the majority-time parent work, or as an extraordinary extracurricular expense. Shared expenses are generally split in proportion to income after subsidies and tax credits are taken into account. Agree before anyone pays a deposit.

Do I need the other parent's permission to take our child abroad for a summer holiday?

Check your agreement or order first, since many require notice or consent. Global Affairs Canada recommends a signed consent letter for any child under 19 travelling abroad without both parents, even for a day trip to the US. In the US, a passport for a child under 16 needs both parents' approval unless one has sole legal authority.

Can a day camp be claimed for tax purposes in the US?

According to IRS Publication 503, a day camp may be a work-related expense for the Child and Dependent Care Credit, but an overnight camp is not. For separated parents, the credit generally goes to the custodial parent, meaning the parent the child lived with for more nights in the year. Check with a tax professional.

What if my child gets sick right before my vacation week?

Agree the answer in advance. Common approaches are to delay the trip and make up the days later, or to shorten the block and add time at another point in the summer. Writing a make-up rule into the plan avoids arguing about it on the day.

Settle the summer before it starts

The FairWell parenting plan walks you through vacation picks, camps, travel notice and backup plans, so both homes are working from the same calendar.

Build your parenting plan

This guide is general information for parents, not medical, psychological or legal advice. It draws on published research and guidance from recognised health and family justice bodies, listed under Sources. Every child and family is different. If you are worried about your child or yourself, talk to your family doctor or a qualified professional. FairWell can help you find one through the professional directory. How we write and check our guides.